Somebody recently left a comment on my blog saying I looked happy in a photo and it really stuck with me. It's funny isn't it, how we can project an image to show things in a certain way. That photo is probably one of the only times I have smiled in the past week. I'm far from happy, in fact I'm very, very sad. Quite a lot of the time. (If you're new around here this post explains why. I promise I'm not always so dreary!)
Breaking up is hard and the world can seem pretty shitty, especially when 4 months later you're not even sure it was the right thing to do. I hate change, and for the past few months everything has been changing, so I've never been further out of my comfort zone. I'm sure there are lots of you out there going through something similar so promise me you'll get in touch and we can go through it together? My ears are always open for some quality advice and a push in the right direction.
Here is my attempt at advice which I hope, if you need it, is useful.
- Spend time with people who make you happy. I don't have a big group of friends but it's quality over quantity right? Jonathan and I spent over 4 years together and in that time his friends (and their girlfriends) became my friends too, which is sadly not the case anymore. Starting over again is tough and not having a big friendship circle means I often feel lonely but it makes me more appreciative of the fun times I have with my true friends.
- Spend time with people who make you happy. I don't have a big group of friends but it's quality over quantity right? Jonathan and I spent over 4 years together and in that time his friends (and their girlfriends) became my friends too, which is sadly not the case anymore. Starting over again is tough and not having a big friendship circle means I often feel lonely but it makes me more appreciative of the fun times I have with my true friends.
- Make sure you have things to look forward to. I just booked a flight to visit my sister on the Isle of Man for the end of May which gives me a little countdown and something to focus on. Sometimes I look to the future and it seems a bit bleak so it's nice to have a long weekend away on the horizon.
- Remind yourself of all the good. This year I'm going to be an auntie which is rather exciting. I'm doing well with my HR course and got amazing feedback on my first module. Lily and Lola are in good health and keep me company - they give great cuddles! I have a wonderful housemate who cheers me up when I'm down and buys me orange chocolate when I'm upset. My parents are only an hour and a half away or on the end of the phone if I need a chat. I have fully functioning limbs and my own teeth and a good head of hair. See - things aren't always as bad as you think!
- Try to enjoy your own company. I am the worst at doing this because right now I don't really like myself that much but I am getting better at being on my own (well, with two fluffy shadows in tow). Things that help: long hot soaks in a bubble bath, reading a book, climbing into bed with fresh sheets and listening to relaxing music, popping Netflix on and binge watching a series, walking to the park with your camera and trying to spot a good photo, writing blog posts, cooking/baking new recipes, and working out.
- Remember that Lily and Lola need walkies and fresh air just as much as me, so although it seems nice to stay indoors in dirty jogging bottoms and a hoodie, watching Netflix and eating cheesecake, that probably isn't going to make me feel as good as interacting with the real world. Although there are some days where Netflix and cheesecake are perfectly acceptable activities and there's no need to feel bad for it.
- Distraction is good, as long as you don't use it as a mask to delay the feelings you need to feel in order to get over the breakup.
- Push yourself, when it feels right to do so. I have done lots of scary things over the past few months and, even though I always tried to back out at the last minute, I would always be proud of myself afterwards for doing them.
- Don't go looking for new love. You won't be ready, trust me on that one!
